Your Beginning

Welcome! I am a child and adult psychiatrist trained in psychopharmacology and psychotherapy. But, thousands of hours of this work have taught me just a handful of important concepts in mental wellbeing, perhaps because simplicity is built on the ruins of complexity. I’d like to share them with you here, one post at a time.

To start, it is an incredible honor that you are here. Many of us walk through life without questioning the very thing that hurts us lest it shatter the ground we stand on. There might be too much at stake, and change might be unbearable. And yet you are here, and that is the first thing we celebrate.

Your beginning didn’t start when you gained consciousness. It started before you, in the way you were wanted or unwanted, raised or ignored, loved or rejected by your parents or whoever took care of you. You must know that you were helpless as an infant, just looking for survival. As you set out to understand who you are, this is one of the most important things to remember. You are not responsible for what happened to you, but you are responsible for how to go on from here.

Attachment theory helps with this journey. Attachment at its core is based on safety. When caregivers provide consistent emotional and physical safety regardless of the tragedies that surround the child, the child can then internalize that safety and feel that they are okay. If we feel okay to be who we are, we are free explore the world, make mistakes, cry about it, laugh about it, and rise up again. In this way, attachment nurtures every aspect of life. The best predictor of this secure attachment, whether between a parent and a child or between adults, is how much you have made sense of your own life.

If we do not feel okay being who we are, then we repair it the same way we were wounded: through the interaction with another. There is nothing more powerful than a connection with someone who holds you with unconditional regard, and shows you it is okay to be unapologetically you. We did not choose our parents or family, but we can choose the people that surround us.

My hope for this blog is to have something resonate with you. We can get through anything when we do not feel alone. If anything catches your attention, please feel free to share with me your thoughts.